Dear Aunt Gaia,
I can’t prove it, but my neighbor is stealing my compost worms. She started her own compost bin after having dinner at my house a couple of months ago. I’ve recently seen her compost and it’s good, too good. I asked her if she was using compost worms, and, blushing, she denied it. I have a 400-gallon compost drum outside by my garden, so I can’t bring it inside. My husband won’t install a padlock because he thinks I’m overreacting. But it took me years to get my compost where it’s at. She needs to earn that. What should I do?
Robbed in Portland
First of all, you’re right to feel violated. You just don’t touch another woman’s compost. Period. The fact that your husband doesn’t understand is irrelevant. That’s a typical response. Secondly, you need proof. You may have to go “cloak and dagger” on this one. Have a friend dress up as a compost inspector from the Organic Foods Bureau and get a sample to match against yours. Or install a surveillance camera. You don’t need your husband for that. Finally, you might have to go get it yourself—at night when she’s in bed. Confront her by all means, but make sure the proof is on your side. Bitches like this need to be put in their place, and that means doing it right.
image via mrmole